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Parent tips
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Problem
Solving
Teens need to question "the norm" to figure out what makes sense to
them and learn how to think for themselves.
Maintaining a
positive outlook and keeping in mind the role perception plays can help you
to further understand your teen and make time together enjoyable. When problems arise, use these suggestions
Cool off first, then
find a solution together
Avoid telling teens "this is how it's going to be."
Be respectful by asking for their perspective of the situation - and really
listen to them.
To help them grow, allow opportunities to let them make their own decisions. Put yourself in your
teen’s shoes and ask your teen to do the same
This will show your teen you care about their views and opinions, and vice versa.
Many times teens (and you) may not have thought about the “other side”
of the issue. Allow them to take responsibility
for their decisions
It’s important for teens to learn from their mistakes and know the successes
made from their decisions. Look for ways to use
silly humor with your teen
Tell a joke or humorous story to relieve a tense situation, but don't make fun
of teens - their self-esteem can be fragile.
Web sites:
Shoulder-to-Shoulder Minnesota, Talking with Teens site: www.shouldertoshoulderminnesota.org
Focus Adolescent Services: www.focusas.com/Parenting.html
Return to Parent Tips
Caution: Media Hazards
-
Use media
as a discussion starter – look for teachable moments
Ask your kids for their thoughts about messages and situations in the media (TV, music, and ads)
about tough issues like alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. These “teachable moments” may be more effective than long, planned
discussions.
Keep TV, video games,
and computers out of their bedrooms
It is easier to know about what your children are
doing when it is not done behind closed doors. Keep the TV off during
meal time
The family meal is important because
it gives the chance to be together after a hectic day - to discuss, debate,
support one another, and laugh together. Research shows that children do better
in all areas of life, when their families have regular dinners (without the
TV on). Make sure teens understand
your TV, movie, video game, and chat room guidelines
Set limits to the time your children spend watching TV or movies, playing video
games, and surfing the Internet. Teach your children about things on
the Internet that concern you (such as pornography, violence and hate sites)
and tell them to notify you immediately if they encounter such material. Make
clear your expectations for what kinds of movies, TV programs, videos and Internet
sites they are allowed to see. Consider using parental
blocks (e.g. V-Chip)
Consider using
your Internet service provider's parental controls. These controls can block
access to certain Web pages, chat rooms, newsgroups and other Internet resources
that are not fit for children. You may also purchase blocking software for your computer.
These programs block access to certain objectionable sites and prevent children
from disclosing personal information on the Internet. The V-Chip electronically reads television-programming
ratings and allows parents to block programs they believe are unsuitable for
their children. Teen brains are in a
“use it, lose it” process; teen brains need real life experiences
If a teen is doing sports, music, and academics, those are the connections that
will be hard-wired. If they are playing video games and watching too much TV,
those are the cells and connections that are going to survive. Which is more
important?
Web sites:
National Institute for Media and the Family: www.mediafamily.org
Parenting with Dignity presents Warning Signs: www.warningsigns.info
Media Awareness Network: Practical tips for helping parents manage media in
the home: www.media-awareness.ca/english/parents/index.cfm
Return to Parent Tips
Love, Sex, and the Adolescent
Brain
-
Changes in the adolescent
brain increases their interest in sex.
It doesn’t make any difference where they come from,
what beliefs they have or how they were raised: the adolescent brain is interested
in sex.
Be the key source of
information on sex. Your teen will appreciate your candor and interest.
Studies show that kids who feel they can talk with their parents about sex --
because their moms and dads speak openly and listen carefully to them -- are
less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than kids who do not feel
they can talk with their parents about the subject. Have on-going discussions
about sex with your teen. Have these conversations when you have the time and
are not rushed.
In order to get through the embarrassment you or your teen may be having over
the topic, bring it up often in general conversation. Ask their opinion when
you see something on TV or in the newspapers. Be open and receptive
as your teen approaches you with questions.
Conversation is a two way street. Don't be to quick to jump on their opinions
even when they are seeing black where you see white. Remember, they are learning
how to form opinions and then, testing them out on you. When teens get hurt in
love, offer sympathy and support
It is important to respect a child's capability to love. If a child says
to you, "I'm in love" and you answer, "No you're not," you
are sending the message that they should not be in love. Kids need guidance
in their relationships. They need to know that their feelings are valid, important,
and real.
Web sites:
Minnesota Organization on Adolescent Pregnancy, Prevention and Parenting: www.moappp.org
Advocates for Youth: www.advocatesforyouth.org
Talking with Kids on Tough Issues, Sex and Relationships: http://www.talkingwithkids.org/sex.html
Books:
How to Talk to Your Child About Sex.
Eyre, Linda and Richard.
New York: GoldenBooks, 1998.
It's Perfectly Normal:
Growing Up, Changing Bodies, Sex and Sexual Health.
Harris, Robie H.
Cambridge, MA: Candlewick Press, 1994. (Ages 10 and up)
It's So Amazing!: A Book
about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families.
Harris, Robie H. Illustrated by Michael Emberley.
Cambridge, MA: Candlewick Press, 1999. (All ages)
Return to Parent Tips
Help your teen develop awareness
about emotions
-
Teens tend to act on impulse
or visceral reaction. They make judgments before they really know how another
person is feeling.
Teach them to make sure
they understand another's feeligns and position before they make a decision.
For example, their first impression of parental concern might be parental anger.
Make sure they know the basis for what you express. If your position is based
on emotion, tell them that. Otherwise, they may find it irrational. They will
appreciate your honesty. Teach teens to check things
out before they go with their gut.
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Why do you keep arguing with me?
Teens like to argue;
it stimulates their brain. They are developing new
skills in thinking and logic, and like to exercise them. Arguments are not necessarily
about winning, but teens like to see if they can. Don't let them win through
attrition. They will try to wear you out, but it you have a strong position,
stick to it! Make sure you are clear
about your position and the reasons for it. If you are unclear, teens just
get confused.
Return to Parent Tips
Risky Business
– Chemical use (alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs) impairs
development of the teen brain
Marijuana and your teen’s
brain
The major active chemical in marijuana (THC), changes
the way sensory information gets into and is acted on by the part of the brain crucial for learning, memory, and the
integration of sensory experiences with emotions and motivations. Alcohol and your teen’s
brain
Evidence is building that alcohol impacts
brain function and behavior differently during adolescence than during adulthood.
Exposing the brain to alcohol during this period
may interrupt key processes of brain development, possibly leading to subtle
learning impairments as well as to further escalation of drinking. Talk with your teen early
and often about making positive choices
National studies
show that the average age when a child first tries alcohol is 11; for marijuana,
it's 12 and many kids start becoming curious about these substances even sooner.
Information and lessons about drugs are important to repeat frequently.
Answer your teen’s questions when they ask them. - Important talking points:
- We are here to make it
clear that we will not tolerate any drug or alcohol use by you.
- We have rules in the family. The rules do not permit teen drug
and alcohol use.
- Even though you think everyone is using drugs or alcohol, it is
illegal and not allowable.
- You can endanger your life and the lives of others. We don’t
want anything bad to happen to you. I don’t know what I’d do if I
lost you.
- We count on you as a family member. Your brothers and sisters
look up to you and care about you. What would they do if you were gone?
- Drug and alcohol use can ruin your future and chances to…graduate,
go to college, get a job, and keep your driver’s license.
- We are here to support you. What can I do to help you not use?
- Sometimes kids use drugs and alcohol because there are other issues
going on like stress, unhappiness and social issues. Have you thought about
this? Are there other problems you
want to talk about?
- Are your friends using? How are you handling that? Is it hard
to not use in that environment?
- We won’t give up on you because we love you. If you need
professional help, we will be there to support you and help make it happen.
- Drugs and alcohol are easy to get and easy to use; parents must do their part to block its availability
- If you keep alcohol at home, make sure no one under age 21 has access to it.
- Never provide alcohol for your teen, their friends, or anyone under 21.
- Do not allow your teen to have parties with alcohol on your property.
- Keep track of how much alcohol you have and let your teens know you’re
paying attention to those amounts.
- In the past decade, the number of 8th graders who have used marijuana has
doubled.
- It may be hard to imagine your teen using marijuana, but the reality is they
will be faced with the temptation.
- Teach your teen refusal skills as well as ways to handle the stresses in their
lives.
- Teens are most vulnerable
to experimentation after school
The hours after school, between 3 and 6 PM are when lots of teens get into
trouble. Try to be with your teen but if that is not possible, make sure your teen is
occupied with an adult in activities such as sports, jobs, clubs, after-school programs, or
religious youth groups.
Helpful Web sites:
www.nida.nih.gov
www.shouldertoshoulderminnesota.org
www.theantidrug.com
www.talkingwithkids.org
www.miph.org/mjt
Return to Parent Tips
Listening, not lecturing
Avoid telling
teens, "This is how it's going to be."
Be
respectful by asking for their perspective of the situation and really
listen to them. Devote your attention to what they are saying. To show
that you are listening, you can use phrases such as: “Sounds
like you are saying…”, ”Do you mean that…”, and “When that happens to me, I feel like…Is it like that for
you?” Ask open-ended
questions instead of closed questions to promote conversation.
Open-ended questions
require the teen to respond with more than a one-word answer. Questions
that require only a yes or no answer are called closed questions. Examples:
| Closed
questions |
|
Open-ended
questions |
| Do other
kids pick on you? |
vs. |
What kinds of violence have you experienced at school? |
| Did you study for your spelling test? |
vs. |
What happened on your spelling test? |
| Did you enjoy baseball practice today? |
vs. |
What happened at baseball practice? |
| Are you excited for prom? |
vs. |
Tell me more about your ideas for prom. |
| Have you made your decision? |
vs. |
what do you feel your options are at this point? |
Don't solve problems
for them.
Resist the urge to offer too much advice or tell
them what to do. Help them figure it out themselves by asking questions
that will guide their decisions. Work on finding
a solution together.
Teens need to question “the norm” to figure
out what makes sense to them and learn how to think for themselves.
Make sure to clearly express your desires, listen to their concerns regardless of whether you agree or not,
and find a solution together.
Helpful
Web sites:
www.shouldertoshoulderminnesota.org
www.theantidrug.com
Return to Parent Tips
It's
the weekend and you're looking for some fun things to do that don't
involve alcohol. Why
not ...
Play
board games.
Watch
movies.
Go
sledding.
Go
out for coffee.
Go
for walks. |
Wrestle.
Watch
Jeopardy and make fun of the contestants.
Do
jigsaw puzzles. |
Bake.
Make
up jokes.
Fingerpaint.
Make
collages from
magazine cutouts. |
Play
on a playground.
Go
to a play.
Have
a picnic.
Just
talk.
Go
bowling. |
Play pool.
Go
dancing.
Go
to a grocery store-late at night, it's actually fun! |
Make
a movie with a video camera.
Go
out to eat.
Go
to an arcade.
Go
out for ice cream. |
Make
ice cream sundaes.
Go
to a comedy club.
Go
ice skating.
Go
roller skating. |
Go swimming.
Play
mini-golf.
Go
to a concert.
Have
a bonfire.
Go
to the gym. |
Play
video games.
Go
shopping.
Order
a pizza.
Make
a pizza.
Have
a sleep over. |
| |
Go
visit a city.
Play
football, basketball, softball.
Play
music.
|
source:
www.co.hennepin.mn.us |
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Text messaging 101
The
top acronyms parents should know:
- PIR - Parent In Room
- PAW - Parents Are
Watching
- PAL - Parents Are
Listening
- ASL - Age/Sex/Location
- SorG - Straight or
Gay
- KPC - Keeping Parents
Clueless
- TDTM - Talk Dirty
To Me
- IWSN - I Want Sex
Now
- NIFOC - Nude In Front
Of Computer
- GYPO - Get Your Pants
Off
- ADR - Address
- WYCM - Will You Call
Me?
- KFY - Kiss For You
- NALOPKT - Not A Lot
Of People Know That
For more text messaging lingo, go to: www.netlingo.com Return to top
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